


the Ghost of Ben Solo

by writingramblr



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Introspection, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Mutual Masturbation, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Post The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Rey is doing her best, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Technical, canon bitch, finn and rose are sweeties, its basically all spoilers, kylo rage, lotso spoilers, more smut, my headcanons shall live until they are disproved, now with part II, physical/mental contact, poe dameron and ben solo were once friends, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 07:48:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13026498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingramblr/pseuds/writingramblr
Summary: long after they part, the Force still binds them.orwhy Rey calls him Ben, and it's both true, and not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i guess this is me, working out my frustration with TLJ, which was, in some ways, a lot of ways, very disappointing.  
> i'm not expecting to write much more for star wars or even reylo at this point, knee deep in gradence bullshit,  
> but,  
> here  
> we  
> are.

"I thought there was still a chance, but I'm afraid my son is gone."

Rey's not sure she’s meant to hear any of it, but she can’t help it. She’s in-tuned to the Force now.

Snippets of conversation from the only other two Force sensitive people on the planet hit her ears.

They’re talking about Ben. They think he has been fully consumed by the Dark, that there's only Kylo. She frowns.

Can it be true? He still responded to her, every time, without fail.

She only ever called him Ben. She has constantly refused to use his self granted moniker.

It carries the weight of so much death and destruction behind it.  
She saw something in his eyes. In the elevator. In the hut.

Everytime he was alone with her, he could have snapped at her to stop.

To use his ' _proper'_ name,  but he didn’t. He doesn’t. Even now.

Their final moment, after she slams the door on him, Rey thinks, he looks so young, and painfully lost. Sad.

Is this going to be the final thing to turn him away from the light? She's fallen into that same pit of despair many times. She did again on Ahch-To. She got no answers about her parents, until Ben.

He said she was a nobody. No one important in the entire galaxy. Except to him, she _was_ something.  
She isn’t sure she'd ever felt closer to him than when they'd fought, side by side back to back, in tune. With each other as much as the Force. In the end, she knows she did everything she could, short of dragging him into the Light. There was little left to be done, but await their final meeting.

Until then, there were remnants of their connection, wisps of a thought, a hint resembling his voice, in dreams. He came to her there, begging forgiveness with his eyes. His mouth never formed words, it merely sought her own out.

Rey woke often right before their lips would touch, startled, damp with sweat and shaky from nerves.  
So much could have happened. The hut, the elevator, the fight, the way he’d reached for her, pleaded to her.

These moments keep replaying in her mind over and over, before finally, she breaks down, turning her face into her arm and wetting her skin with tears.  
"You're upset. Why." Ben asks her, but it doesn't really lilt at the end like a question.

He's quiet, whispering, as if expecting her to be falling back to sleep.

“I’m afraid of this. Of us. Why didn’t this bond die with Snoke? Are you sustaining it? To what end?”

Rey already knows. They’re both the two most powerful Force users in the galaxy now.

She should shut him out. Refuse to speak to him. But Rey can no sooner bend the Force to her will than Ben can touch the Light of his own desire. Both Luke and Snoke called her power raw, the truth of this mean that if left uncontained, it would destroy her, and probably harm others.  

In Luke’s eyes, she could be a force for Good, if she trained, and was very, very careful.

In Snoke’s eyes, she had been a threat.

To Ben… she wasn’t sure what he saw her as, besides an equal. Rey felt very torn, for supposedly being the balance between the Light and Dark.

“I am not. I would leave you alone if I could. I find that, I don’t want to, really. Perhaps that is why I can’t.”

Rey can feel the need in his voice, hear the pain scraping his throat. She doesn’t have to look at him to know, he’s looking at her with yearning, not anger or hatred. She wishes she could muster the courage to feel exactly that. Instead, she merely feels exhaustion weighing her down.

“Hold me.” She finally says. His presence is as real as it felt in the hut, the first time their hands met.

He does not walk, he simply appears at her side in the bed, draped behind her, one arm resting over her waist, a bent knee tucking between her own legs. His breath is warm on the back of her neck, and she should feel terrified. Instead, she feels comfortable.

She closes her eyes, and sleep finally returns, dragging her under.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kylo Ren has never truly been free of his demons, killing Han Solo didn’t do that, and killing Snoke didn’t either. There are still yawning gaps inside his mind, a smoldering furnace where his heart should be, and the icy tendrils of the Dark side hissing his name, his true name, calling him weak, a coward, fleeing to the _girl_ when he should be meditating, and seeking advice from the shadows.

Kylo refuses to do such a thing. He decides he’ll gladly burn from Rey’s Light than dip into the endless abyss of pain again. He lays there long after she’s fallen asleep, and drowns in his thoughts, urging and drawing on his power so that he can _feel_ her as much as possible.

They never touched, truly, tangibly in reality.

They only ever shared the same air, a breath, a handful of moments. The elevator was his greatest failure. She had been so close, enough for Kylo to count every single freckle, each dark lash framing her kind and trusting eyes, and yet he’d chosen to gaze at her mouth. He’s imagined kissing her so many times, his mental shields were probably of equal strength to his arms. It’s why, at night, when he sleeps, he always finds her, and he always tries to kiss her. He gets close enough, and she wakes up without fail, every time. Somedays it reminds him of the sun, constantly chasing the moon, never getting near to meet her.

But he’s in awe of her beauty, fearlessness and skill nevertheless. The split second he’d felt her reach for his sabre stood out in his memories, a bright shining instant when he’d realized he was weak for her. Snoke probably saw right through him, yet still managed to stop Rey from killing him with Kylo’s blade.

He knows now, that he would share _anything_ with her. His life, his empire, his very soul.

Kylo will carve out his heart to present it to her, if she only asks. He suspects, deep down, that she _will_.

He stirs empty handed, alone, in his own room once more, sheets and blankets cold except around his waist, and his fingers twitch. He thinks he can still smell her.

Kylo rises quickly, and tosses everything to the floor in his haste to escape into the fresher. The hot water scalds him, washes away any trace of Force presence, and he closes his eyes, giving in to the madness that is thinking of her, but unintentional consequences do occur. He’s hard within seconds, and aching, but he resists the urge to touch himself.

It’s debasing, something Snoke insisted on beating out of him with lightning at any sign of distraction when planning to attack Rey. He couldn’t quite help himself sometimes.

He’s been dreaming of Rey since he was sixteen, he thinks. The odds of the literal woman of his greatest imaginings turning out to be real had brought about something inside him. A sort of madness.

Now, they’re connected beyond simply sharing the Force, being the last of their kind.

Rey, almost a Jedi, Kylo, not quite a Sith.

He still prefers to call himself a Knight, along with the title of Emperor. Men of that caliber do not resort to such carnal instincts. At least, he tries. Unfortunately, he calls to her, without even meaning to.

She’s just suddenly there, in the corner of the glass walled fresher, gasping into the steam, blinking water from her lashes, and instantly soaked, just in a light tunic, and apparently nothing else.

Kylo doesn’t bother hiding himself from her. “Rey…” His voice is thick with apology, and underlying shame, but she isn’t laughing, nor looking at him with rage.

She’s pink in the face, from the heat, or something else, and he can’t avoid staring at her body now, outlined so perfectly by the wet fabric. Her breasts are free of banding, nipples peaked and dark in contrast with the light tone of her skin and the tunic. He dares not look any lower, as his gaze finds her mouth. Lips parted, reddened from her teeth worrying them.

“Ben, is this-?” She breaks off, and swallows. Her throat moves obscenely, and Kylo is desperately worried now. He’s not going to be able to ignore his arousal, nor can he possibly sate himself, with her watching. With her _there_. Rey advances on him before he can even consider tuning her out, turning away, and she’s putting a gentle hand to his naked chest, slippery with ever flowing water.

Her fingertips sear his skin, right to the marrow, and he wonders if beings of the Force can have kyber in their veins.

“Please don’t-” He chokes out, and she’s blinking, leaning in, up on her bare tiptoes.

He ducks down in the same instant, closing his eyes against the shame, the rising tide of want not stemmed by their first real kiss, but stoked instead. The fire roars inside him, even as she gets close enough for him to be pressed into her side, grazing the wetted fabric over her stomach.

“Tell me… what can I do? I don’t know anything about-” Men, he guesses. “It’s alright.” He says.

Kylo doesn’t ask, but he guides, prepared for her to stop him at any second. His hand is massive over hers, fingers curling under her palm, as he slides it down his chest, past his ribs, the dark hair trailing from his navel to right above his cock. Rey’s breathing heavily, he only knows by the shift and rise of her breasts, as her eyes are locked on his own, endless pools of light brown, almost gold, becoming eclipsed by black.

He starts when she gasps from the contact. His hand wraps hers around his length, and she swallows again, perhaps stifling a noise.

“Is that from this? Because of our bond?” She’s whispering, as afraid to shatter the moment.

It only makes his blood run hotter, cock hardening further. He shakes his head slowly, his lips dragging along her jawline, closer to her ear so he can breathe the words, “It’s because of you, Rey.”

The truth is, she holds him literally in her palm, and he’s never been less frightened in his life.

Rey’s eyes widen as her fingers tighten under his own. She moves her hand on his cock without much hesitation, and he knows of course, she’s flown ships, she knows what she’s doing, in a way.

Her cheeks grow redder, and Kylo smiles, just a touch.

“They’re not the same at all.” He hears her murmur, but she’s on the verge of a smile now too.

He wants to give her a hint of the pleasure she’s making him feel, simply by being there, within reaching distance, so he puts his free hand to the small of her back, and thrusts his hand down, splaying long fingers over her backside, and reaching out with his mind.

Rey shivers against him, and her grasp fumbles as Kylo sends a wave of bliss across her senses.

He’s never touched a woman before, but he knows, they’re lucky enough to be able to experience wonderous release more than once. Kylo doesn’t even care about finishing, not when he can lean down and kiss Rey again, holding her there. The water runs cold, and he just grabs onto her harder.

Eventually he does come with a groan, muffling the sound into the side of her neck, wishing he could mark her, truly. Rey’s forehead rests against his shoulder, and she moves her hand until he fairly squirms under her, begging her to stop.

The water shuts off, and the steam leaves the glass walls, revealing emptiness when Kylo’s eyes finally open.

Only his hand is hovering in the air, the other still atop his softening length.

White ropes are smeared over his feet, and he winces, flicking them away with barely a thought. Someday, he’d like to be able to actually make contact with Rey.

See the way her jaw goes slack with pleasure as _she_ comes, kiss her through it, ensure it never ends until she wishes it. Kylo towels off the cold water, and looks over at himself in the mirror.

To his surprise, the reflection he sees isn’t himself. It’s Rey. She’s bent over the sink, splashing cold water onto her face. He guesses it’s cold by the way she shakes, and then gasps.

Kylo pauses with the towel on his chest, and then blinks. The reflection is properly him again.

His dark hair is dripping still, chilly and limp strands against his neck, some grazing his shoulder, right on the scar from Rey’s blade.

He touches it, and smiles to himself.

 

 


	2. Not Going To Go The Way You Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with a new Resistance base on Naboo [yes im bullshitting all this i dont even know] there's finally room to breathe.  
> how does Rey never find herself alone? thanks Force Bond, she hates it.
> 
> also for fans wondering why hux is added now, please dont get excited. this is not a pro hux or kylux fic.

Rey isn’t used to sharing such small spaces with many people, and indeed, even when Leia had them chart course to Naboo, a proposed new safe haven, she feels uneasy. She’s painfully aware of the connection she still shares with Ben. There’s a good chance all he has to do is peek into her mind and find out where they’re going, and mount an attack.

He’s come to her in dreams, and promised he will never hurt her, but she doesn’t really trust him, no matter what intimate moments they’ve shared. “You killed your father once, in cold blood. You tried to kill Luke. How can I trust you not to do the same to your mother?”

She asks him, late one night, as silently as she can muster, and Ben replies effortlessly quick.

“She’s the only family I have left. I don’t take that lightly.” Something about the way he says it irks her.

It doesn’t leave her, even when she finds herself crammed in a corner of the Falcon, sharing a meal and carefully polite conversation with the handsome X-Wing pilot Poe Dameron.

His charm shines through even though they’re both exhausted, and she finds herself smiling at his jokes. It doesn’t take long for the conversation to turn to Ben, or as Poe addresses him, Ren.

“We used to be something like friends. He’d probably deny it, or pretend otherwise. It wasn’t always like this. We were just two kids, caught in the middle of a war. I practically grew up in an X-Wing, and he grew up the son of a princess. There was bound to be some disconnect, but we were still…”

Poe trails off, and Rey fills in the blanks.

“So you didn’t just lose a friend, you lost a brother.”

Poe nods, then looks away.

“He just had so much pressure put on him from day one… being who he was. I'm sorry that this happened to him, but I could feel him pulling away from me even before he was sent off to train with Luke. Trying to find yourself in the midst of all this hasn’t been easy. Just ask Finn.”

He says it with a smile, but even Rey can see through the facade, to the pain beyond.

She and Finn have a fire forged friendship, surviving the First Order will do that to one.

But she sees the way Poe looks at him, and can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy.

Every chance Finn gets, he’s by Rose’s side, holding her hand, talking to her, even if she can’t hear him and respond. Poe acts the part of casual acquaintance well, friend to all, flirt to most, but Rey knows better. In the back of her mind, she hears Ben, and when her eyes lock with Poe’s, Ben whispers to her that she knows better.

By the time they land on Naboo, and Rey gets her second experience with lush greenery, and plentiful water sources, she barely realizes the blip in her thoughts is Ben, because of course it is. Everyone else has scattered into the outer edges of the city, and Leia’s made contact with old friends, and plentiful allies. Rose is getting top of the line medical attention, as both Finn and Poe stick together.

Rey tells them she just needs a moment to herself, to meditate. It’s not really a lie. Ben’s going to push through and come talk to her regardless of how far apart they are, she’s starting to understand this. The Bond isn’t sustained by will, it’s from emotion. Their dreams haven’t stopped or slowed, but they have changed. There’s no longer pure energy of the carnal sort, it’s more like they’re both seeking comfort from each other, while Rey tries to strengthen a block. No matter.

She’s barely shed her boots and socks to dip her toes into the shoreline when he appears.

“Did he tell you what I had to do to him?” Rey licks her lips, glancing over at him.

She walks along the damp sand, and lets the bottom edges of her pants get wet from the soft waves.

Ben is in his usual attire, all black, gloves included. He looks desperately tired, and his voice sounds wrecked.

It seems that being Emperor, or Supreme Leader, whatever he calls himself, isn’t going well for him.

“I can guess. Something similar to what you did to me, yeah? Using the Force to pry inside my head?”

Ben nods jerkily, and Rey clicks her tongue against her teeth,

“But Poe didn’t have any means of stopping you. So you did that. To your old friend.”

She can already see him opening his mouth to make excuses, and she shakes her head.

“Don’t bother. He’s clearly moved on from whatever you two might have been. He’s got friends in Finn and me. He can trust us.”

“He’s trying to replace me in my mother’s eyes. You know this.” Rey smiles slightly to herself, and sees Ben’s cheeks going pink, whether because of her reaction or from anger, she’s not sure.

“Poe’s not perfect. She’s told me many times he frustrates her. He’s reckless, impatient and an incredible pilot. But he’s not you either. She still cares about you. So don’t be ridiculous with your misplaced jealousy.”

“She called me as good as dead.” Rey winces at that, and stops moving. She’s running away from him basically, really slowly, but still, on the retreat rather than the advance.

She digs her toes into the wet sand and looks towards the trees across the lake.

They’re beautiful, and so abundant she can’t see through them beyond the first row.

“I don’t believe she’s given up hope on you coming back to her, truly.”

“You don’t? And why is that?”

“Why not?” She asks him, and Ben’s right beside her now, a hand tracing over her bare arm, up to the edge of her sleeve, and she bites back a shiver.

He’s towering over her from behind, intent on making sure his presence is known. She feels a loose strand of his hair tickle her cheek, and her eyes fall closed. It’s _so_ real, she’s not sure how it’s possible.

“Search your feelings Rey. You know why.” Because this thing between them, whatever it is, continues to be fueled by her impossible wants, forbidden desires. She _knows_ that being a Jedi can’t allow for this. Maybe Ben’s right. In a way. “I just want you to stop fighting your family.”

Ben’s hand drops from her arm to slide around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest, and he noses in close, turning to kiss her cheek. “I know.” They stand there in silence a few moments, the only sounds the gentle lapping of waves on the shore, and Ben’s breathing against Rey’s ear. His other hand eventually lands on her waist, and she clutches her boots with a white knuckled grip to keep from reaching back to feel him, solid and tall at her back. “It’s so beautiful here. I wish we could stay like this.” Like this, she can almost forget that they’re enemies, as well as on opposite sides of the galaxy from one another.

“You know… my grandmother grew up here.” He says it so quietly, matter-of-fact, that Rey’s hardly able to process. “She was a Queen before she became a senator, and then had my mother. She died giving birth to her and Luke.”

Rey swallows thickly, and feels her eyes stinging. “That’s-”

“Tragic. I know. I wonder how differently things might have gone, if she’d lived.”

Rey finds herself at a loss, and luckily, she’s saved from trying to attempt anything by someone calling her name. She starts, and turns around to see Poe behind her, waving down from a balcony.

“Dinner’s about to start.” He shouts, and Rey smiles, feeling how Ben goes stiff. “Well go on then.”

He says rather gruffly, and she sighs.

“Don’t be like this. You’re not here, so you can’t monopolize my time.”

She moves away from him, and starts back up the beach, leaving him there, boots not making any impression in the sand, but the wind does blow his hair and tunic.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s not jealous. He’s not. Kylo’s just standing out there, on the shores of the lake because he enjoys the scenery. It’s definitely more appealing than the fucking Star Destroyer he’s on, orbiting pointlessly around the First Order’s current base of operations on Coruscant. The city is bright and shining on the surface, but ugly and dark below, where crime is at an all time high and the Order cannot be bothered to control it. He’s never seen any of it, but he hears Hux whining near constantly.

It starts to grate on him, and he knows Hux is just as annoyed to have to follow _his_ orders now.

He much preferred being Snoke’s favorite, even when he fucked up in massive ways.

Kylo doesn’t forgive him nearly as easily.

In fact, he makes a point to let Hux know just how replaceable he is at the next meeting.

He’s bored, and hears Rey in the back of his mind, talking to Finn, that former Stormtrooper whom Hux is responsible for losing. He listens to the reports with half an ear, and when everyone turns to him for his thoughts, he lifts a hand to Hux. It takes little effort to start clenching his hand around the man’s windpipe, and Kylo gets a thrill from watching the way his face goes from smug to stricken with horror. He can already hear what Rey might tell him, that he’s being foolish, wasting his anger with pointless torture. Well, Kylo’s always wanted this, and he’s not got anyone around him to stop it.

“Sorry General, but you’ve never been trustworthy or loyal, something I consider very important in my leadership. You’re fired.”

The shining gleam of fear leaves Hux’s eyes after a few moments, while the sounds of his choking fills the silence, and Kylo flicks his lifeless body to the side, turning to the next commander in line, a young man with dark hair and wide eyes. “S-supreme leader?” They ask with a stammer, and he can’t say he blames them. But his bad mood has dissipated for the most part. Kylo smiles, or perhaps it’s more of a grimace.

“It seems you’ve been promoted. I assume you can handle things from here? I have work of my own to do.” He gets to his feet, automatically towering over everyone else at the table, and the man nods shakily.

“Excellent. Good afternoon gentleman.” He escapes the room to his own quarters, and tosses his gloves down onto his bed, before collapsing beside him, putting his head in his hands.

He roughly massages his temples, and ignores the obvious footsteps on his floor as long as he can. Eventually he lifts his eyes up from his boots and sees her. Rey’s pacing in front of him.

She catches him looking and walks over, slapping him across the face.

Thanks to the Bond, he feels every inch of her anger, and with that, the determination behind the slap.

“I take it you don’t approve.” He says, and Rey huffs at him.

“It was entirely unnecessary.” Kylo smirks, despite the throbbing pain in his jaw and cheek.

“Don’t tell me you have any love lost for Hux. He doesn’t deserve your sympathies. It was his idea to go through with destroying those planets and attacking the Resistance base. I told Snoke I could get to you without that much carnage required. Hux argued for it. Snoke was deaf to my pleas.” Rey snorts.

“It sounds like you’re the one making excuses now.” Kylo isn’t sure what to say to that.

She doesn’t hit him again, but she stops pacing and goes to sit beside him on the bed. He feels the dip in the pad, and sees her crossing her legs, hands pressing flat to the sheets. He remains silent, not quite meditating, but trying to inhale slowly, see if he can catch her scent.

It’s mingling with the fresh air from Naboo, and the budding flowers around the palace. He doesn’t remember their name, but Rey needs little help to be alluring to him, after all. This connection is fed by their feelings for each other. Kylo puts a hand to his face, feeling the warmth of his irritated skin.

“I’m glad to see you too. Surprised you’re not off dining with Captain Dameron.” Rey gives him a look. “Maybe I was and your little antics of murder interrupted me.”

Kylo sighs, and rests his free hand on the bed between them, hoping she’ll take the hint.

“I’m sorry. Truly. If it disturbed you, or affected you, that wasn’t my intention.”

Rey’s hand joins his, and their fingers link together slowly.

“I know. You just wanted some revenge. That was the easiest way to get it.”

Kylo’s jaw sets, and he glowers at the floor. “Maybe.”

Rey squeezes his hand. “I wish there was a way for us to spar. To help you burn off some of that energy.” Kylo swallows, and looks up at her, catching a gleam of something in her eyes.

“Is fighting the only way?” Rey’s trapped under the weight of his stare now, and she looks away only to drop her gaze to his mouth. She’s anything but subtle. Just like the elevator.

Right now, he doesn’t need to read her mind to know. It pings through the Bond.

The firm tone of _want_ , and restrained need.

“Maybe not.” Rey moves first, dropping his hand to clamber over into his lap, and putting both her hands on his face, brushing his own away, thumbs caressing his cheeks, she ducks down from her small height advantage to press her lips to his own. Kylo fists his hands at his sides to keep from reaching for her, because all he wants to do is take her plush curves and mark them up with his fingerprints, ensure that anyone else who might get this close will know she belongs to _someone_.

But he can’t. Perhaps he shouldn’t. Rey’s more than just some prize to be won. She’s bested him twice. Kylo fights the urge to rock up against her, when she grinds down, perhaps innocently unaware that he’s hard already, as her hands slip back to thrust into his hair, yanking him back, breaking the kiss.

His eyes blink open, and Rey’s looking at him with unbridled want now.

“I need this to stop. I want to keep the Resistance safe.”

Kylo smiles at her sadly.

“Is that right? You think if I fuck you, the that’ll end the bond? I wish that were so. I’ve fucked you a thousand times in my dreams, in my head.” Rey worries her bottom lip, and then settles back on his thighs, her body radiating heat over him. Kylo finally touches her, because why fight it, and his hand looks massive on her waist, the other grasping her shoulder, then the side of her neck.

His fingers tangle in her long hair, and he can’t bite his tongue any longer.

“You know, you’re like a supernova. Blinding, gorgeous, and far too powerful to be contained by something so archaic like the Jedi orders old rules. They wouldn’t allow this. They’d have called it abuse of the Force. Using it for such clandestine meetings of the mind.”

Kylo’s babbling, but Rey doesn’t seem bothered. She shifts over him, and eventually digs the heel of her palm into his shoulder, guiding him back, so that he’s laying on the bed, and she’s towering over him properly. Her hair falls in a dark curtain around her face when she leans down, and just before their lips meet again, she whispers, “I don’t care.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rey’s ears and cheeks burn as Ben tells her such things. She’s no stranger to foul language, nor the methods of coupling for souls and bodies, but this is a whole new set of new terrain. Ben’s hands slip under her shift to splay over her naked skin, and she moves from kissing his mouth to his jaw, and down his neck. Rey’s not really trying to avoid looking at him, as she feels him reacting to touching her, his cock hot and hard beneath her stomach.

She remembers vividly the shared encounter in his fresher, and how he’d looked when he finished in her hand. She wants to do that again, but this time, feel him inside her. It’s easy enough to get out of her clothing, but undressing him is more work than she expected. She has to lay off to the side while Ben shucks out of his tunic and pants, boots thunking to the floor, and cowl draped beside his other items. There’s just so much of him, it’s hard to get her bearings.

Rey’s hands shake as she places them on his chest, and then presses down, putting a leg over him again, and slotting into place over his waist. From there she can grind down over his cock, teasingly, and Ben doesn’t stifle his groans, both his hands finding their way onto her ass, groping over her heated skin, fingers dipping into the cleft. “Has anyone ever touched you here?”

He asks, voice a bit lower, raspy and deep. Like the way he’d first spoken to her over the bond.

Rey presses her lips together and shakes her head. “Just me.”

Ben looks surprised at first, and then delighted. He carefully puts a hand right between her legs, gently petting the silky wet folds, and making her jump a little. Her nails dig into his chest, and the half moons they make don’t last. She tries not to feel disappointment. Ben curls a finger up, into her, and it’s strange, but not bad. Just different. She’s wet enough for him to be able to push it in all the way, as at the same time, his thumb rubs slow circles around the apex of her thighs.

Rey’s breathing starts to catch, and her eyes flutter closed.

She wanted to stare him down while he did this, while he makes her come so she’s relaxed enough for him, but so far, she’s failing. In lieu of all that, she reaches for him. His gasp upon her hand making contact with his hard length is wonderful, and she smiles. Ben’s just as weak for this as she is for him. This shouldn’t be as complicated and weighted as it is, it’s merely to end the distractions, to finish burning away this… bundle of tension between them. But Rey’s not so foolish as to doubt his words.

To think it’ll end when he’s buried inside her is merely to lie to herself. She slumps over Ben when she does come, and clenches tight around his long fingers, reaching deep, curling slightly, and she hides her gasps and moans in the arch of his neck. She bites him there, and then on his shoulder, as he keeps touching her, until she’s shivering, and begging him to do it.

To fuck her. “Please, Ben.” She knows that he won’t refuse that. He doesn’t.

Ben’s arms are strong, winding around her waist, flipping her over effortlessly, so she’s on her back, blinking up at him. He’s been very courteous so far, hardly ogled her breasts or tried to squeeze them as if he expects something to emerge forth. But now he ducks down, and kisses between them, down to the valley of her ribs, and below, nosing along the dark swirls of hair above her centre.

“What are you doing?” Rey can’t help asking. Ben smiles into her skin, and looks up at her with a hint of pink in his cheeks. “You’re still nervous. I can feel it.” He shows her that he can kiss and use his tongue in more than a few different ways, and eventually Rey’s hands are tugging on his hair, forcing him back, earnestly about to plead for his cock to just be inside her _now_.

He strokes over himself once, twice, and she sees white smears glistening on his stomach. He’s already finished once just while he’s been on his knees for her. She swallows.

They’re both a little too eager, she supposes. When Ben returns up to brace himself over her, lowering down so that the head of his cock rubs over her wet folds, Rey’s tempted to snap at him. Instead, she puts both hands on his shoulders and yanks him down roughly.

The kiss tastes bittersweet, and she realizes it’s _her_ that she’s licking from his lips. Ben guides himself in with an unsteady hand, and Rey fights to remember to relax.

To be careful. This is as real as they have made it. Pain can be too. But it’s not.

He’s slow, cautious, Ben is not trying to hurt her, and they are not in a hurry.

Ben’s smooth thrust in ensures he’s as deep as he can go, halting at once when Rey winces from a small twinge of pain. He’s not small, and she is, so he’s got to stop at some point. He pulls out and starts moving a bit, rocking down and thrusting jerkily, keeping a hand on her hip, and inching closer to touching right above where he’s fucking inside her.

“Is it alright?”

She can’t help asking, as he’s been deathly silent so far, except for the occasional grunt or groan.

Ben’s eyes snap open and find hers. They’re pitch black, his pupils completely swallowing the warm brown. Somehow, he looks stunning.

“Rey… you’ve no idea… it’s so good. Better than I dreamed.”

Rey manages a smile, and then he hits someplace that feels _great_ , and she tightens her legs at his sides, tempted to wrap her ankles around his thighs. He doesn’t hold on much longer, eventually stilling over her, and kissing her fiercely as she feels warmth pulsing inside her, his release a faint echo in her own mind, amplifying her pleasure too, even as his touch on her center falters. He’s very heavy over her, and mildly uncomfortable going soft inside her, but she doesn’t push him away.

In fact, she keeps touching Ben. Petting his hair back from his forehead, tracing mindless shapes over his naked back, and feeling his muscles twitch beneath her fingers as he finally does move.

Ben pulls back and away. Rey winces a little, but it’s not terribly messy. He’s not really there, after all.

It’s the illusion of seed oozing from her still tingling centre. He drags a hand up her side when he finally collapses onto his bed. She’s a little sweaty, but mostly satisfied.

The Bond hasn’t lessened one bit, not from her end. Rey tries not to panic.

Ben just stares at her, somehow in awe, despite it all. “I wish you could stay.”

She has to get up, and go serve the cause, and he’s probably got people waiting for him too. “I know.”

He kisses her one last time before she turns away, and Rey can almost taste his tears. None of this has gone the way she expected, and yet, nothing has surprised her about Ben. She’s still sure of one thing, he’s not beyond hope of turning. He may not believe it about himself, but she does.

 

* * *

 

 

**End**

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> edit~11:52pm 
> 
> LMAO jokes on me i've already started another fic so i hope yall like AU's with redemption arcs and Porn.


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